i started to write a post about all the books ive been reading and how good they are.
then i got mad at something else and erased it all.
fuckin awesome.
i still dont know how i feel about being a racist.
all i can think about is making music. i have so many ideas in my head of projects i want to do. i dont really have the time to do them all.
i really believe that if i had my own computer, my life would be 100% different. i could write and make music whenever i wanted.
fuck. what a whiney brat i must sound like. havent people been writing and making music for like thousands of years without a computer?
sometimes i hate me.
i think im becoming racist. against mexicans. several experiences, mostly in the last week, have made me increasingly dislike them.
the first, broadly, is their lack of manners. for some reason i notice more that mexican men have very bad manners. it REALLY bothers me when someone in a service industry doesnt say words like THANK YOU and YOU’RE WELCOME.
Yesterday i had THREE bad experiences with mexicans. The first was when we ate at albertacos (yes, i do see the irony in the fact that i LOVE mexican food). We were eating outside because devin couldnt stand the smell inside. i didnt think it was that bad, but she did. anyway, two cars pulled up within about 30 seconds of each other, both BLASTING music. the one on the left had a youngish couple, the one on the right was a truck. the couple got out, and it was a guy, who was giving me a bad look, and his pregnant ladyfriend. the truck opened, and a dad, mom, and three kids plowed out. we ate, and as we were cleaning up, both sets of people left simultaneously, but not together. the couple got in the car, and the music started bumping again. the family got in the truck, and they all got in the front. now, im no mathmagician, but i do know that there is a maximum of three seatbelts in a truck, and that the mom, dad and three TODDLER girls could not have all had a seatbelt. their music was blasting as well. i felt bad for the kids because they had to endure the music, then i felt angry at the parents for being so negligent with their daughters safety. and yes, they were all mexican.
the second incident happened yesterday as well, when we went to the park by our house. it must have been a fiest day because the park was full and there was not one white person there. anyway, there were two mexican boys kicking a soccerball back and forth over the bigtoy (that’s what we called playground equipment when i was growing up). the ball kept coming very close to other kid’s heads, and the boys even commented on it. they knew they were doing something bad, and kept doing it. the parents were watching, doing nothing about it. i vowed that if the soccer ball hit my daughter, it would be a bad scene for everyone (yes, i am aware of the irony of teaching a parent a lesson about negligent behavior by threatening violence against them).
my neighbors are mexican. they smell. they cook very fowl smelling food. they are loud. i had to tell them to shut up last night because devin was trying to go to sleep, and they decided to have some friends over and have a cook out in front of our doors. keep in mind, we live in studios that used to be a travel lodge, so the doors are very close together. ive seen inside their studio before, and its REALLY FUCKED UP. there is shit EVERYWHERE. bottles, clothes, crucifixes.. i dont know how they can walk through. and they are sort of nice, just stupid.
this morning, we went to the park we always go to, on arlington by the skatepark. tewinkle park. there are ducks and lots of big tracks for devin to ride her scooter on. as soon as we walked up, there was a little mexican boy chasing ducks with a stick. then he started beating the ducks with a stick. the parents just watched.
all of this has added up to me having a very poor view of mexicans, especially parents. now, i know that all mexicans arent bad, just as all black people arent gun-carrying crack dealers and all white women between the ages of 18-22 arent psychotic whores (though a large percentage are). but… if youre exposed to negative behaviors of a certain race or even group of people, eventually its going to have a negative impact in your mind. im not trying to justify my development towards a racial prejudice, at least to whoever is reading this. im almost trying to internally adjust to it. to understand why this is happening to me. it could have been any group of people. old people, greek people, gay people. it just happens to be mexicans.
tomorrow is my thirty first birthday. for once, im not upset about my birthday. and i think its because for once, im doing something really fun and will be around really good friends.
last year was really fun too. me, mark, travis and jessica went to see the SWEET AND TENDER HOOLIGANS at the casbah. they are a smiths and morrissey cover band. and really, its more fun than seeing moz himself sometimes because they play such a wide array of his songs. i was so drunk i ran up on stage and hugged the singer. then i threw up at a stoplight on the way home, and when i got home i slapped emili’s ass and said “thanks for watchin my daughter, toots.”
i cant remember too many other of my birthdays. ive never really had a GREAT great time that i can remember. i think one year i was sick on my deathbed and had a dinner at alisan.
my birthday in 2001 i was on tour with poison the well.
my 29th i was in salt lake city for a training. katie and michelle took me out for a nice steak dinner. it was snowy and very nice.
tomorrow will be fun. and im not just telling myself that to feel better.
i dont know if ive mentioned it before, but when it comes to music, i think i have a bit of OCD. if there is a band i like, i have to have EVERYTHING by them, and i will spend time and money that i dont have to make sure this happens.
take, in today’s case, alkaline trio.
i fucking love this band. and yesterday, i bought the “goddamnit” re-release simply because it is “remastered” and has three extra songs and a dvd. ok. to me, thats a big deal. THREE extra songs!!!! and i watched every minute ot the dvd.
i just spent about 20 minutes researching the track listing for the “good mourning” demo cd i have. nickey gave it to me a couple years ago. it has a couple different versions of songs, and two songs that didnt make it onto the album that dan sings on.
there is a cd that i saw a picture of online called “scraps” and its really bothering me that i dont have it. its like remixes and live stuff. did i mention that it’s REALLY bothering me that i cant have it?
right now i have 110 alkaline trio songs on my ipod, and that is about to go up by about 16.
i am the same with morrissey, although at this point i have every studio song and am now collecting live bootlegs.
i believe last time i counted, i had 32 morrissey cds.
i have 264 morrissey songs on my ipod.
none of that is including the smiths.
sometimes i think this is a serious problem. but, at least im not wasting my time with basketball, hockey, or ufc stats. HA.
been a while since i wrote. dont have a computer.
this is pretty much my daily routine
sunday- wake up around 7. take dev to her mother’s. work at the salon from 11 til 5 or 6. possibly work at chain reaction from 6-11. if not, go out drinking.
monday- wake up between 7 and 9. work at the salon from 11-5. possibly work at chain reaction from 6-11. if not, go out drinking.
tuesday-wake up between 7 and 9. work at the salon from 11-6 or 7. fuck around. dj at avalon from 10-2
wednesday- wake up between 7 and 9. work at the salon from 11-6 or 7. neon claws practice from 8-10 or hang out at the huddle.
thursday - wake up between 7 and 9. work at the salon from 11-6. dev gets dropped off. fall asleep around 9.
friday- wake up at 630. drive devin to school in lakewood. get back from that around 9 (its about a 90 minute round trip drive in the morning.) fuck around til 3. pick her up from school. fall asleep around 9.
saturday - wake up at 7. go to the swap meet. go to omlette parlor. fuck around the rest of the day.
repeat. repeat. repeat.
there is very little deviation in my schedule currently. it just depends on who i hang out with, which usually isnt very many people.
life is discouraging.
ive been listening to a lot of country. new and old. a lot of cash. lucero. tim barry. marty robbins. wille nelson.
ive been listening to a little more hip hop too.
ive also come to the realization that the three albums that had the most impact on my life are
marty robbins- gunfighter ballads and trail songs
the cure- staring at the sea
de la soul- three feet high and rising
the first was the first album i ever remember seeing. my dad was a big marty robbins fan, and the image on the cover of this cowboy in mid gun draw, dressed in black, will be forever etched in my mind.
the second was the first cassette that i ever bought with my own money. i remember sitting in shop class in 6th grade and someone brought it in. i couldnt believe my ears.
the third was the first hip hop cassette i ever bought (it might have actually been public enemy, which i know ive alread written about). the beats, samples, and rhymes are amazing. i still cant imagine putting something like that together. in 7th grade, me, a white kid named ben, and a fat black kid named rashan performed “me myself and i” at our school talent competition. we were called TRIPLE THREAT. we rapped over an instrumental version of the song. people were very confused.
its amazing to me the amount of books ive read in the last 6 months. probably more than in the past 6 years. or 10 years. or even 15.
next week ill be 31. i still dont know what i want to be when i grow up.
